Novelty Item
by KadiToka-Chii
Summary: Shadow and Lync were always fascinated by certain inexplainable things, as Mira, most unfortunately, is about to find out... NOW WITH SHUN X ALICE! :D
1. Closets and Stalkers

**Novelty Item**

**...**

**Closets and Stalkers**

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**||Twas in the mood to write a crack fic, I was… anyways, it should be known that I don't think that Lync and Shadow would EVER act like this, which actually rather disappoints me. I was just… bored… so very bored when I thought up this idea… plus, their childness just gets to me that way. It so cute… ;_;**

**||Disclaimer: I do not own Bakugan.**

**||Involves the HIGHLY OOC antics of Shadow, Lync, Mira, Gus and Volt.**

**||She knew that being in the Vexos wouldn't be easy. She didn't think she'd have to resort to hiding in closets in order to save her sanity.**

* * *

Gus' daily routine did not normally include trying to convince the girl skulking in his closet that coming out would be safe (when he reflected on it later, that sentence sounded just so completely weird). Yet, for some reason, he still found himself going at it for at least twenty minutes by now.

"I'm serious, Mira. You can't hide in here forever. This is _my_ room. I don't want you in here."

The red-haired girl refused to move her head from where she had it buried in her knees. "No. I refuse. They'll get me if I come out, I just know it."

"Well, couldn't you go hide in someone _else's_ closet? Why mine?"

"I told you, it was the one I was nearest to when THEY nearly caught me!! If I had a choice, it would have been someone else's!"

"Listen, I don't hear them right now, and you can normally hear them coming from a mile away… I'm sure it would do you no harm to get out as quickly as possible and find another hiding place that isn't as much as a bother to me…"

She raised her head slightly, just enough to give the impatient boy a glare with her narrowed, feline eyes. "Give me one good reason as to why I should trust you. You'd do anything to get rid of me…"

"True…"  
"See? You even admit it. I can't trust a word you say."

"… You know what? I give up on you." Ignoring her yelp, Gus' arm snatched forward, grabbing her forearm and hauling the girl to her feet and promptly dragging her to the door, despite her panicked protests. With a small growl, he let the door slide open in front of him and shoved Mira in the empty hallway. "YOU ARE NOT STAYING IN MY CLOSET. See, they aren't around, it's safe enough for you to find a new hiding place…"

"MIIIIIIIIIIIIII~RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!!"

Spoke too soon.

Even before the call had finished echoing down the hall, Mira had ducked around him and was bee-lining back for the closet, leaving poor Gus to groan as the door shut itself, muffling the clamor of cries and hurried footsteps.

"MIRA~!! COME PLAY WITH US, WE THOUGHT UP A FUN NEW GAME!!"

"Heyy, it's my game!! And it a two-player game, so only Mira and I can play it!! TAKE THAT!!"

"… Well… YOU'RE SHORT!! AND YOU HAVE PINK HAIR!!"

"!! TAKE THAT BACK, CLOWN!!"

"HELL NO!! Crazy killer clowns like me take NOTHING back!!"

Gus found himself extremely close to hitting his head against a wall as the arguing presumably passed by his door and faded off. "… Well, now we _know_ they're gone. If you just go down the hallway in the _opposite_ direction… Mira… don't lock my closet door… it's MY closet door… seriously Mira, I don't want you hiding in here forever…"

"I WILL NOT LET THEM GET ME."

"…" And now was the time Gus went for some backup.

* * *

"A _toy?!_ They just think I'm some sort of TOY?!"

"Yes," Volt repeated bluntly, completely unfazed by Mira's displeased frown that bore into him from her cross-legged position on the floor. "You are new. They don't normally deal with something like you. To them, you are a fascinating playtoy."

"… SERIOUSLY?! THEY'RE ANNOYING ME BECAUSE I'M A _TOY?!_"

"Isn't there any way to get rid of her?" Gus asked, fighting to keep the desperation out of his voice…before stopping with a small frown. "… Them. I meant _them_." Getting rid of _her_ would be easy; push off a cliff, lock in some obscure room, exorcise… he just had to make sure Master Spectra _never_ found out.

But Lync and Shadow… they just kept coming _back_…

"In order of complexity, you could murder them brutally," Volt said, ignoring the contemplative looks on the faces of the other two. Whether or not they took his advice and _how_ they did was not his problem. "Find them a new toy. Scare them off by putting her under the protection of someone they're afraid of."

"… Mylene?" Gus suggested.

"No. She's too content with having Shadow off her back."

"… Dammit."

"If that's all you wanted to know…" Volt sat up from his seat on the edge of Gus' bed, giving the two a purposeful stare. "I would like my payment."

"… What?"

"I gave you information, it's only fair that you pay for me it. Fifteen bucks."

"I was a renegade a few days ago," Mira said hurriedly, glancing at Gus hopefully. "I don't HAVE any money…"

"… I hate you all. Let me go find my wallet…"

Gus never had a chance to. Because at that moment, a large square tile was tumbling to the floor, dragging their eyes towards the ceiling… and the two heads poking through the large opening left behind. "MIRA~!! WE FOUND YOU~!!"

"NO!!" Mira jerked to her feet drunkenly as Shadow shoved Lync away from the hole, wiggling through first; with a yelp, he crashlanded to the floor, face connecting rather soundly with tile. This was not helped by a bundle of indignant green and pink following very swiftly after. "How… the ceiling… what, how did you…?"

"Mira!!" With a beaming, smug grin and absolutely no answers to her stammer of a question, Lync leapt off of the painfully squeaking Shadow, latching himself to her waist before she could flee. "We thought you got lost, so we went on this epic mission to find you, so you and I can be _together_ again~!!"

"You mean me _and_ her!!" Shadow, defying all possibilites of severe bodily injury, leapt to his feet, sticking his tongue out at Lync before focusing on the trapped redhead as his hand dug through the pocket of his coat. "HEY, MIRA!! I drew you a picture, it's the most wonderful picture ever and I put a lot of effort into it, it's of you carrying this GIANT blade and cutting off Lync's hea…" Shadow froze when his hand resurfaced, empty. "… LYNC!! DID YOU STEAL MY PICTURE---?!"

The Ventus child just snickered. "No~… unless you mean back when we stopped to get something to eat and I totally snuck it into your sandwich…"

"_NO!_"

"Oh yeah!!"

"… SHORT!!"

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!"

Mira mouthed two pleading, silent words towards Gus and Volt as the two more _enthusiastic_ members of the Vexos instantly threw themselves into a contest of glaring and yelling.

"… Due to the gravity of the situation," Volt said slowly, sending a side-long look towards the blanching blue-haired boy, "I am now charging thirty bucks."

"… I hate you. I hate you all."

"Mutual."

"WAIT A MINUTE!!" It seemed as though Volt's and Gus' quiet conversation had drawn attention to them; Lync and Shadow now stared at them with wide eyes that slowly narrowed with growing suspicion. Lync hissed, in a way that somehow, actually, sent shivers up everyone's spines. "What is Mira doing with _you_ two?"

"Have you been taking advantage of my Mira?!" Shadow snarled. Instant splutters from Gus and Mira, and a deadpan expression from Volt.

"… _My_ Mira," Lync corrected shortly.

"No, _my_ Mira."

"… Our Mira for now?"

"… Yeah, whatever, just for now… NOW WHY HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MIRA?!"

"We are NOT," Gus growled, clearly insulted. "I would never, EVER lower myself so much as to lay a finger on her."

"_Suuuuuuure_," Lync said scathingly, still clinging to Mira tightly as Shadow bounded towards her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders protectively. "For all we know, you could be secretly straight!!"

"Prepostero… wait, WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I AM NOT _SECRETLY_ STRAIGHT, I _AM_ STRAIGHT!!"

"That's not what your hair says."

"Um," Mira mumbled in embarrassment as Gus' hands instantly leapt to his lovely locks defensively, "… can you two… please let go of me?"

She was answered by a perfectly synced, "NU!!"

… _Twitch_.

"… This," Volt said slowly, as a protesting Mira was prodded and pushed towards the doorway by the excitedly babbling pair of 'admirers', "is going to very interesting. Gus, I'm going to have to make it a fifty."

* * *

**||Well… one, the ending didn't satisfy me. Two, I somehow enjoy writing Shadow and Lync and Mira and Gus and Volt all so amazingly out of character… aaaaaaand… I'm bored and my other fics are just kinda coming along a bit slowly…**

**So, if you decide to review for whatever obscure reason, just tell me if you think I should add another chapter or two to this. Because I… don't really know… *shrugs***


	2. Dinners and Missions

**Novelty Item**

**…**

**Dinners and Missions**

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**||And now I manage to return to this after letting it… stew for a bit… yep.**

**||Disclaimer: I do not own Bakugan. Waste of time to own it, really. It wouldn't even take effort to own it; just dangle a fresh new clichéd idea in front of the producer's noses, and they'd be selling Bakugan away for discount prices in their excitement.**

**||Mira, Shadow, Lync, Volt, Gus, minor Mylene and mentioned Spectra.**

**||And now it has gotten worse; it would take both Volt and an unwilling Gus extraordinary efforts to save Mira from the greedy grasps of those two demons…**

* * *

"… Wow…"

Mira tensed up at Shadow's awed whisper, still gripping her fork stiffly as her knife sawed awkwardly through the meat. Blue eyes remained fixated on a small knot, nearly unnoticeable, on the surface of the gleaming mahogany they all sat at, refusing to respond to the two muttering voices; it might encourage them.

"She cuts her food just like Spectra…" Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a fluffy head of pink hair leaning in a bit closer. "… And Mylene… and Gus… and Volt… and Hydron…"

"I know, right? I thought that since she was in the Resistance and junk she'd be eating with her face… or maybe her feet … I didn't think they'd actually _bother_ with cutlery…"

Mira twitched as Lync agreed with Shadow. "Me too. I actually thought they didn't eat actual _food_ at all, they just survived on rocks and dirt and worms…"

_Like you two can talk_, Mira thought spitefully; she didn't need to look up to know that both of their faces and hands were coated generously with various sauces and juices. Her one look at them earlier was enough for her.

The other three occupants of the long table, laden with steaming dishes, showed varying degrees of interest; Mylene's lips thinned as she took bite after bite, trying to get through this tortuous dinner as quickly as possible without looking like a pig. Volt was staring bemusedly between the two parties, his eyes darkening with careful thought. And Gus tensed up with each word that was uttered from both Darkus and Ventus player, occasionally glancing nervously at Mira (should she try to escape and hide in his closet again, a habit that was becoming extremely annoying). His anxiety wasn't helped by the fact that his precious Master Spectra had abandoned him halfway through the appetizers.

"You think the rest of the Resistance eats so… normally?" Another violent twitch as Shadow asked his question a bit too loudly; whether or not it was intentional, one may never know.

"No way. Everyone else _definitely_ eats rocks and dirt and worms."

"Dude! Then we should totally invite them for dinner or something and _laugh_ at them! And Mira can laugh with us!"

"… That _would_ be funny… look! Mira put her fork down!"

"Oh em gee!" Mira quickly bolted out of her seat as Shadow let out a very scary and Julie-esque squeal, ignoring the fascination on their faces as she tossed her cutlery down. "What is she going to do?!"

"Shh! I'm trying to watch!"

"… Excuse me," she said shortly, backing away as quickly as she could. "I have to… powder my nose…"

"Oh my god, Mylene does that too!" Shadow hit the table excitedly in light of this revelation, exchanging a high five with Lync and tactfully ignoring Mylene's glower.

"Just a moment," Gus said hurriedly as Mira disappeared, standing up as she had and trying to disregard Lync's assuming whoop.

"Ha! Gus goes to powder his nose too!"

* * *

"Stop right there!"

Mira made the mistake of faltering midstep, _so_ close to her destination. Her head swiveled around towards the source of the shout, just in time for her vision to find itself angling towards the floor as a blur of orange and blue tackled her around the waist, bringing her to the ground painfully.

"Don't you _dare_," Gus hissed as Mira cried out and struggled to escape the hands that curled themselves around her wrists as he himself straightened up and pinned her firmly to the ground, "hide in my closet _again_, woman."

"Let me go, Gus! This… this isn't… I just want to be safe from _them_…"

"Not until you stop hiding in my closet! I hate it, and you keep reorganizing everything, and it's getting annoying!"

"It only happened once, I was bored! All I did was switch a few stuff around… it's not like it matters, there's nothing to reorganize! It's all the same clothes!"

"I have specific order in that closet that no one is allowed to meddle with!"

"Get _off_ of me, you creep!"

"… I think Shadow and Lync do have good reason to be worried about Mira being taken advantage of…"

Narrowed green eyes snapped wide at Volt's slow, mildly troubled words behind him as he realized the rather compromising he had Mira forced into. The girl's glare up at him intensified, sickly pleased with the sudden panic fluttering in Gus' expression; with a squeak, he scurried off, letting Mira sit up to rub her wrists indignantly.

"It's not what you think!" Gus had himself pressed against the wall, utterly horrified. "She was going to go into my closet again! I just wanted to stop her!"

"Hn." Volt didn't bother to answer that with an actual statement or doubt, just kneeled down to help Mira to her feet as his 'comrade' babbled senselessly.

"Don't tell Master Spectra, please! It was a total accident, I didn't even realize, I just don't want her hiding in my closet anymore!"

"It's the only good hiding place," Mira muttered resentfully, bowing her head slightly in thanks towards Volt.

"How?! They've already seen you in my room!!"

"Not actually _in_ the closet though," Volt spoke up, most unhelpfully to Gus' cause. "Besides, I once heard them talking about how terrified they were of it… they think you keep a shrine to Spectra in there, and were too creeped out by the idea to even see if it's true for blackmail reasons. I used to think that too, actually."

"It smells really nice in there," Mira said, in an act of civility despite the earlier mishap. "… Which is actually really weird for a guy."

"Shut up."

"Moving past Gus' issues," Volt said dully, ignoring the indignant _'hmph'_, "Mira. I've decided to help you with your problem."

Her mouth sagged in surprise for a brief moment; Mira quickly collected herself again. "Oh, thank you… um, why…?"

"Because Shadow spat in my food. It wasn't cool."

"… Okay…"

"And Gus is going to help too."

"What?!" Gus snarled, still crouched against the wall; he hadn't quite yet recovered from the shock of being in an uncomfortable situation with the sister of his precious master. "And why would I help someone like _her?_ I'm not a part of this, I just don't want her in my closet…"

He trailed off as Volt raised his arm, slowly, purposefully, pointing at a spot in between the wall and the ceiling; Gus' eyes followed him, widening as they trained on the security camera settled happily in its little nook, little light flashing at them as the lens gleamed.

"… No…"

"I'll show the video of you brutally _forcing_ Mira to the ground…"

"_It wasn't like that!_"

"… To not only Shadow and Lync, but to Spectra as well," Volt finished gravely, having completely tuned out Gus' protest.

"… Ngh…" Gus fiddled with the edge of his sleeve, glowering anxiously between the camera, Volt and Mira, perhaps trying to think of some way he could destroy the evidence and, if possible, the victim and the witness all in one go. No brilliant plan came to mind. "… Fine…"

"Good." Volt crossed his arms, nodding. "Now… it's best if we don't go back to the dining room. Lync was trying to set fire to his brussel spouts when I left…"

Mira cried out and grabbed Volt's steady arm as the floor and the walls suddenly shook with a boom and a pleased cheer of victory. Gus was not quite so lucky in finding something to steady himself against.

"And now the place will be a mess and Mylene will be trying to kill him," Volt finished baldly as Gus shakily rubbed his head and kicked the wall ruefully.

And that…

…was how their most un-epic mission began.

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**||… Well, it's gonna end up being longer than I thought~. I was going to put more in the chapter… but then it would have been so much longer, and I'd need to put in more effort, and it's so much easier with cute little short chapters. I'm less likely to get a writer's block.**

**So yeah… this'll just be an off-to-the-side story… thing that I won't particularly care about, but still work in boredom~. That sound good?**

**I think it sounds good. Let's go with what I think. I think good things.**

**Anyways; point out my errors? Critique? Possible?**


	3. Magazines and Lolita

**Novelty Item**  
**Magazines and Lolita**

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||When you have no idea what to write next, don't know how to start, and all else fails, just make fun of a celebrity and throw in mildly-perverted humour. Works like a charm

**And I am soooo tempted to just turn this into a full blown crack!Gus x Mira instead of just silly hints. Way tempted. What can I say, it's the fangirl in me. It doesn't help that I haz peoplez I know on my back trying to convince me to make it full-blown~. But… it's so much more entertaining to just poke fun at Gus. XD**

**And I was too lazy to even _try_ and keep Mira in character. I hate good girls. _So_ boring to write. D: Besides, this is crack. ICness is over-rated~ :P**

**For the promised Shun X Alice, read up to the end of the chappie~ :3**

**||Disclaimer: I do not own Bakugan.**

* * *

"This is _not_ plotting."

Volt and Mira glanced up, breaking away from their huddled position over a glossy magazine. Their befuddled expressions were met with Gus' frosty glare, trained on them from the corner of his room that he'd been banished to for an unexplained reason.

The formerly unexplained reason; Mira no longer felt as though she could be safe around someone who's had experience _and_ no qualms in brutally forcing her to the ground. It's some sort of paranoid girl thing.

"Plotting?" the aforementioned girl said in surprise, blinking those baby-blue eyes of her that made Gus _seethe in rage_. "Um… I'm not sure if that word should really apply, it sounds extremely _malevolent_."

… Should Gus bother mentioning that "malevolent" was exactly what they should be aiming for?

"Besides," Mira continued, fingering a corner of the periodical, "some poor young celebrity was subject to rumours that he had _committed suicide_. Not to mention that he has a massive hate group on FaceBook. It must be really hard for him…"

"I'm just wondering why his haters even bother," Volt added on bluntly, looking back down at the beaming picture of a (questionably) teenage boy. "He's a twig and a wuss. Nothing to pay attention to."

He was being blackmailed into assisting people who _couldn't even focus on their own goal?_ Outrage! "What about Shadow and Lync?!"

The instant the words tumbled out of his mouth, sparking remembrance on Volt's and Mira's faces, he regretted them. He just couldn't keep quiet and let them just forget about the whole thing, couldn't he? _Couldn't he?!_

"Oh!" Volt calmly slid the magazine out of Mira's loosened hands as she gasped. "I'm sorry, it's just that this magazine is so fascinating… it just pulls you in, with all its controversial articles and compelling quizzes."

Gus narrowed his eyes doubtfully. "Controversial? Compelling? It's a geared towards silly little pre-teen girls who think they're cool."

A blush jumped into Mira's cheeks as she made a strangled, indignant noise. "N-No! What do you know?! It's from Earth, Julie gave it to me!"

"_I_ was on Earth too. And I can safely say that it is nothing but drivel and trash."

"And this would be because you read it, right?" Volt spoke up, flinty eyes never leaving the pages and their flashy text. A brief silence followed, broken by an uncharacteristically spiteful snicker from Mira and a smothered protest from Gus.

"It…it was lying in the middle of the street! I was bored, Master Spectra had wandered off, and—"

"Were you trying to figure out who your perfect boyfriend was?" Mira asked slyly, vengefulness alight in her eyes. Hey, this was the guy who had basically _stolen_ her saintly, untainted (_and totally not gay no matter how much this bastard poisoned him_) brother from her. She was allowed the occasional inner evil laugh at his expense.

"Ngh…" Gus shrunk into his corner, face very beautifully graced with an scowl of loathing for humanity. "This has nothing to with getting rid of Shadow and Lync!" Nor did it have anything to do with stealthily stealing the videotape evidence of _the incident_ and having the freedom to brutally disembowel _these_ two particular worthless dregs of scum.

"Well, if you don't want to tell us if you belong with the sporty type or the artsy type and proceed to complain about how Spectra falls into neither category…" Volt stood up, oblivious to Gus' half-throttled screech, folding the magazine neatly under his armpit. "I am going to go toss this, and then we can get on with the plan."

"_What_ plan?" Gus asked suspiciously as Mira slumped dejectedly, eyes longing for the thrill of magazine pages. "We haven't even _talked_—"

"Talking is for the weak. I'm not going to let your weakness drag us down, Gus."

…There were times when Gus felt as though he were being discriminated against. Just a feeling.

-x-

"I disagree with this plan with the very essence of my being."

It took every feeble shred of Gus' resolution not to burst out into hysterical laughter at Mira's burning, humiliated expression. Revenge was sweet indeed. "Why all the anger, _Mira?_ Volt is doing a good thing for you, and complaining about it is just ungrateful."

Volt's voice drifted through the door from the hallway, impassive as always and muffled by the closed door. "Gus, is Mira ready?"

"Almost," he called back nonchalantly, wicked grin still fixed with an unfamiliar insanity on Mira as she tugged the lace around her shoulder ruefully and shuffled around awkwardly, trying to get used to her tutu-esque skirt. "We just have to finish tying some things up and put in the bow—"

"Well I'm already done the traps, so stop raping her and finish up!"

He choked on his own incredulity as Mira froze behind him. "Wha—I'm _not!_ I haven't laid a hand on her!"

"Then stop _mind-raping_ her!"

Well, there was Gus' good mood lying smashed and torn on the floor. "Come on," he grumbled sourly, stepping towards his _mortal enemy_. "The back is still unti—you aren't taking him seriously, are you?"

Mira tried for a weak, joking smile; the fact that her face had paled and her back was pressed firmly against the wall ruined the effect. "Heh, well, you know… you could be… you know, mind-raping me. And I wouldn't know it."

Gus pulled a disgusted expression. So what if she was dressed in the lolita-style of perverted male fantasies, complete with ribbons, lace, short skirt, high stockings, corset, and…and all? He, for one, would not lessen himself so much that he would think such lewd thoughts. _He_ happened to be _mature_. "Don't flatter yourself." And because he was _so_ incredibly mature, he wouldn't tack on a name at the end, like – "Pinky."

"H-Hey! It's not like… I mean, I don't think I'm _beautiful_ or anything, but I do look _sort of_ nice, so that was really uncalled for – did you just call me _Pinky_?"

"You're wearing a lot of pink."

"…"

"I thought it was fitting."

Mira blinked as Gus closed his face and crossed his arms defensively. "Um, okay. But anyways… to be honest, I…find it really hard to trust you because you're an evil bastard who pushed me to the ground inappropiately and I think you were probably looking under the closet door when I was changing into _this_ in there and now you're giving me all these weird looks and I don't want to know what you're thinking and I really don't trust you to finish fastening the back of this dress—" She paused to take in a deep breath; telling someone you thought they were a creepy pervert took up a lot of air, after all. "—_so please stop looking at me and get out of this room._"

Mouth dropping open, Gus gave up his poker-face to treat Mira with a bewildered look. "This is _my_ room."

"I can and I _will_ call the authorities on you."

"Like they'll ever _belie_—"

"_The videotape evidence!_"

He paused, staring at her with wild bafflement. "… _My_ room. And I can't believe you actually _think_ that I would—"

"_Then stop looking at me!_" Mira only paused briefly after the estranged outburst, just to take in a breath. "J-Just stop it! It's bad enough that I have to wear this, b-but now you're mind-raping me and it's making me _very_ uncomfortable!"

Silence fell – Gus' expression remained twisted with righteous anger and confusion as he slowly, resentfully, edged towards the door and struggled to come up with a redeeming comeback. "Well… you're a nasty old _witch!_"

Her outraged gasp was his cue to hurry the hell out of there; whipping around on his heel, Gus sprung for the door and grabbed the knob, wrenching it open—

-x-

"The postive side about this is that we at least know the traps work."

"_We at least know the traps work_," Gus mimicked, skewing Volt's "helpful statement" with a disgusted squeak. He glared at the older boy moodily from behind frayed strands of hair and the tip of an icepack Mira was holding against his forehead nervously. "Because God _forbid_ that they don't _maim a person properly_."

Volt shrugged carelessly. "I tried to warn you."

"You _grunted_, just as I was walking _straight_ into your _death_ traps. That doesn't account as a _warning_."

"You just like playing the blame game."

"Guys!" Mira squeaked, glancing between the two males anxiously as her arm quivered with the effort of trying to keep the ice still on Gus' head. She sat kneeled on the bed, hovering over the smaller of the boys, who kept his stormy expression aimed pointedly in any other direction other than her. "It's really no one's fault, just a really unfortunate accident… please, don't fight—"

Gus interrupted her with a sneer. "Remind me, _Mira_, who forced me out of the safety of _my_ room and straight into _hell?_"  
"It's not like I _knew_ what was going to happen…"

If it weren't for the fact every single one of his muscles had been put through a cheese shredder, Gus would have batted away her hand – _if not throttle her and Volt to death_. This whole "innocent" act was getting old. It wouldn't surprise him if they were secretly conspiring against him…he would have to react before they had a chance to _actually_ kill him.

"The negative side," Volt continued, unaware of the growing paranoia festering in his "partner's" mind, "is that Gus broke all of my traps, so that plan is basically useless. And one of Mira's stockings is ripped…"

Mira blinked and glanced down at her leg as Gus' glare strengthened. "Oh… sorry, Volt. I know you worked really hard on those traps… and on getting this outfit."

"It's fine about the traps – in the end, they were put to good use. It's the outfit I'm a bit peeved about… I mean, it was only _chance_ that I found it in Gus' closet."

"…What."

Ignore the stunned flatness in Mira's voice. Focus instead on how Gus' closet seems to be even more of a target than Gus himself in some ways… oh, the woeful existence that the poor Grav leads. "What."

"Yeah," Volt said, oddly idle for being supposedly 'peeved'. "It was stashed away in a corner – still, I'm surprised you didn't find it before, Mira. I mean, it is _really_ pink."

And let the ignoring continue, as the poor Grav is treated with a strange look from the girl he despised so. "… It's not _technically_ mine."

"Don't worry," Volt said lazily, face devoid of any form of internal mocking. "I know you didn't wear it. It's not stretched out enough to have been worn by a guy. But it still sheds some suspicion on what kind of activites you partake in during your _alone_ time…"

"_It's a very long story just shut up and forget about it_." Gus squirmed uncomfortably, wincing during his attempts to brush a already retreating Mira away. "You get out of my room now – and don't you dare argue after what you got me into. …And get that ripped sewed up."

To his mild surprise and great relief, the girl back away without a word – her expression was disconcerting though. It was actually worse than the "stay away from me, rapist" look he usually got. But he was free from it, as soon as she closed the door behind her—

"Mi~ra! What's that you're wearing?!"

"Wha—Shadow?! Lync?! No-!"

"Omigosh! Mira, that's soooo cute! YOU'RE TOTALLY MY NEW QUEEN."

"What, hey, I want her to be _my_ queen—hey, you can't…stop it! Let – go – of – my – head!"

"Tough luck, shorty! Nyaha~…"

Volt and Gus listened to the exchange until it faded away, leaving the two in a contemplative silence. It was a while until Gus turned towards an impassive Volt with accusatory curiousity. "Why exactly did Mira have to wear that outfit again? I mean, it's not really necessary to _lure_ them into the trap, a shiny rock would have done the same thing…"

"Just save yourself the trouble and admit that you kept that outfit around in a secret fetish to see it worn by someone as hot as she is. You enjoyed it."

-x-

Dark blue eyes, like two drowning pools of a life tormented endlessly, blinked sluggishly into the camera. Twitchy fingers brushed away chestnut-brown bangs apprehensively, and the gaunt boy took in a shaky breath.

"H-Hello. My name is Shun X Alice, a-and I come to you today to bring f-forth a form o-of discrimination not often addressed… d-discriminating against someone because of their _name_."

At this point he faltered, licking his lips nervously as he reached for a styrofoam cup of water set on the corner of his desk. It was a long sip before he started speaking again.

"I-I myself have spent my entire adolescence being teased ruthlessly because p-people thought my name was… was _stupid_." His shoulders stiffened and his eyes flashed, words stronger now. "I mean, it's not my fault my parents gave me some weird Japanese name as my first name, my dad's last name was Alice! And that they couldn't decide on a middle name, so just decided to say _X_! Why should I be bullied because matters that were out of my hands?!"

Cheeks reddened as the boy rose from his seat, a furious representation of the wimp four paragraphs earlier. "And yes, I'm talking about you, Dan/Runo! How the hell can you talk when you have a slash in the middle of your first name?! _Huh?! _OH MY GOD, I'M JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, OKAY?!"

Water erupted into the air, splattering on the desk as Shun X Alice tightened his fist, breathing laboured. His hand whipped through the air and the crushed cup flew, narrowly missing the head of the cameraman.

The Director quirked an eyebrow, glancing at the log seated beside him on a throne far exceeding his measly _chair_ in importance as the boy let out a heart-wrenching wail and threw himself against the desk. "Um… reckon we should go comfort him?"  
"Shh…" The log twitched in it's spot, but was otherwise unaffected by the suggestion. "It's not often that you get to witness a mentally insane person suffer a breakdown…"

"It is when you break them out of the asylum every other week, goad them, trick them, and then tape them trying to tell their life's story."

"Shut up."

* * *

**||Admit it; you felt pity for Shun X Alice. ;D I was extremely bored and felt like failing as a troll, and decided I may as well put his ordeal out there. Remember, don't make fun of people with funny names!**

**If you can guess who the log is, I'll give you a hug~**

**Anyways… I feel as though I need to stop being obsessed with Gus x Mira. It's making me reeeaaally biased. Fr srs; I can't help but put in a bunch of pointless subtext. D:**

**Anyways, I finished this really quickly and was too lazy to fix it up – I'm separated from computers for the weekend, so I figured I may as well get this out quick. When I have a chance, I'll go over it and fix any mistakes… be a dear and point out a couple? :3**


	4. Timeskips and Maaaaaagic

**Novelty Item**  
_timeskips and maaaaaagic_

* * *

**yap;** ohaithar. So after a school year of hell, I needed to belch out some crack. HERE GOES. (lawl, after months of nothing you get this short pointless thang. Shoot me now, kthx~)  
**stuff;** Two and a bit pages of complete filler, folks. But with twenty-percent more implied Gus!torture~ :'D  
**disclaimer;** I do not own Bakugan.

* * *

"I have a new plan. It's like this…"

Gus wondered if this was the point he should stop taking Volt and his plans seriously.

It had been weeks since the trio's first ill-fated 'plan', and while the physical wounds may have been healed, the mental scarring had only gotten worse. It didn't help that Mira had been insisting during the past couple days that they celebrate their "month-long anniversary", because somehow the delusion that there was anything to celebrate had gotten into her stupid empty head.

The stupid girl.

Or perhaps, despite their spectacular lack of success, she genuinely believed there was something worth commemorating – after all, she had gotten awfully _chummy_ with Volt lately. They had plenty of opportunities to bond, while Gus had been summarily electrocuted (apparently Shadow was immune to death via sticking-your-tongue-in-an-electrical-socket), lost in the woods (Lync had some uncanny knack for navigation that Gus himself…_didn't_ have) and deep fried (thankfully, Mira and Volt had both promised to never talk about it again).

Meanwhile, Volt and Mira just skipped off into the sunset with nary a goddamn scratch on them, tsk-ing and giggling "shucks, well next time will turn out better~". The only thing he had to look forward to nowadays was the inevitable appearance of Shadow and Lync as they dragged the stupid girl away screaming.

Oh, the sound of her screams, what joy they brought.

"…so do we all understand?"

Gus jumped, blinking as Mira sat up straighter beside him (on _his_ bed, in _his_ room), grin wide. "Volt, it's perfect! This time, this time for _sure_…"

The man nodded sagely, something like a smile (which was preposterous, because Volt did not smile, and most certainly not for this air-headed brat) on his face. "Of course. Gus?"

"…yes?"

"What do you think?"

What did _he_ think? Well, he thought that even if he didn't actually hear it, it was just as senseless and generic as every single other plan. "Oh yes, simply brilliant. Especially the part where I end up injured and everyone has a good laugh at my expense. Simply _spiffing_."

Mira wrinkled her nose. "Oh, stop being so self-pitying. How are cupcakes going to injure you?"

"My 'self-pity' is completely warran—cupcakes?"

"Well, yes," Volt said, glaring at him as the though incredulity in the younger boy's voice was unnecessary. "_Cupcakes_. They were kind of vital to the whole thing. Were you even paying attention?"

"Of course I wasn't. There's never anything to pay attention _too_." Gus bristled under the accusatory stares. "It's the truth! And by the sounds of things this plan is just as inane as the others! How the hell are cupcakes going to get Mira out of my room?"

"You mean get Shadow and Lync to leave me alone."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Mira, we both know that Gus is a self-centered bastard," Volt interrupted, causing Gus to switch his sneer towards him, "but he is still a properly blackmailed member of this team. We can't afford to let petty arguments to separate us now; it's what the enemy wants."

With a sigh, Mira relented; Gus, not so much. "What? Do you actually think that Shadow and Lync possess enough brains between the two of them to actually manipulate a group that doesn't work well together _anyways?_"

Mira decided to temporarily forget that she had relented. "Shut up, Gus."

"No, you shut up!"

"Seriously, did you actually just resort to that? What's next, 'your face'? 'Your mom'?"

"Please, I have a little bit more class than tha—"

"Because my mom's _dead_."

A grunt halted yet another looming fight, with Gus and Mira once again turning bitterly towards the third whee—ah, member. "Now that I have your _attention_," Volt continued, voice low, "it's not just cupcakes, Gus. It's what is _in_ the cupcakes."

Gus stared for a brief second, before the tips of his mouth curled into a delighted leer. "Ah, so we're going poison them, then? Excellent!"

"What?" With a horrified little gasp, Mira slapped the boy's shoulder. "No, you sicko! That's much too un-family friendly!"

Scowling, Gus crossed his arms. "Well, what the hell else do you put in food and feed to your enemies?"

"Perhaps I should explain." Leaning against the wall, Volt treated Gus to his customary impassive look. "Now, Gus. You may have noticed that I haven't been around the last two days."

"What?"

"And that I only came back an hour ago."

"Was…was someone supposed to tell me…?"

"I was on a journey, you see. A long and perilous journey, where I had to battle dragons and gremlins, walk through bogs and broken glass, appease the gods with the sacrifices of many squirrels…"

"Where you _high?_"

The only sign that the allegation was heard was a thinning of Volt's lips. "…until, finally, I found her. Matoya, a great sorceress who could command the Legions of Hell itself should the mood strike her. And I had to do many things that I…am not quite proud of…but she finally found me worthy to bestow upon the secret to ridding Mira of her stalkers."

Gus frowned. "We're…going to be baking some sort of demon that will eat Shadow and Lync from the inside out into the cupcakes…?"

Once again, the boy was slapped. "No, that's even less family friendly! Seriously, go get some help!"

"As Mira said, it's not a demon, but instead…" Mira promptly held her breath, eyes widening with the smooth motion of Volt reaching into his pocket and pulling out—

"A pink bottle," Gus said, voice as equally dull as his expression. "A tiny pink bottle."

"Filled with love potion."

"…I'm out of here."


End file.
